Will I Ever Learn?

Like many of you, I’ve recently become acquainted with Pinterest. Oh the hours I could spend perusing the yummy recipes, viewing the gorgeous landscaping ideas or checking out the latest style trends. Unfortunately, I don’t have that many leisure hours. But when I do go on the site, I am struck by some of the cool make up techniques folks post. I’ve noticed that some of these techniques are using liquid eye liner to get their sleek, cat-like lines. Now I haven’t played with liquid eye liner in years. But this past Sunday while at the local grocery store, I decided to buy some.

It’s been a while since I’ve shopped the cosmetic section in the grocery store. Apparently a long while! I could not believe the prices on brands like Maybelline, Cover Girl and L’Oreal. Wow. Anyway, being the frugal shopper I am, I looked for the least expensive liquid eye liner to serve my whim.

The next day, while running late for work, I decided to try the new product. Yes, I’m almost always running late for work, and that’s probably the most stupid time to try something new, but what can I say? It seemed simple enough; black liquid on the end of a thin brush. I carefully tried to get underneath my lower lashes to apply a thin, even line along my lower lid. Of course the now 14 lb. kitten had to be on my lap at the time, prancing back and forth, sticking his tail in my face. My line wound up a bit heavy and uneven. And I got some of the liquid on my lower lashes. “No big deal”, I thought. “I’ll just use a cotton swab to even things out”. I swiped the swab along my lash line and the liner didn’t budge. Hmm….odd. So only then did I take the time to read the package. Waterproof! UGH! “Okay,” I thought to myself, “I’ll use my old standby, our unscented aftershave to clean up my mess.” Now my liability insurance carrier would want me to add the disclaimer that you should never use our aftershave in or around your eyes. There, I said it. Anyway, I dipped the cotton swab in the aftershave and proceeded to use it to even out my mistakes. Again, the eye liner didn’t budge. What the heck was in this stuff?! I didn’t want to know. My only option was to do my best to even things out using our eye shadow (Falon, from the Smokey Eye palette), and get my butt into work. Despite having raccoon eyes, no one in my office said a word about it. They’ve probably seen me coming in looking worse. I decided not to analyze it.

That night, I did my normal routine of washing my face with natural bar soap and water before going to bed. When I looked in the mirror after the wash, the raccoon eyes were still there staring back at me, mocklingly. Round two of soap and water. Still there. At that point I was too tired to mess with it any further, and went to bed.

The next morning after showering, I sat at my vanity to apply my morning ‘mask’, again, with a squirmy kitten (it’s his routine now to bug me endlessly until I actually leave to go to work). Looking at the black rings it finally occurred to me – I have no make-up remover. Why would I? I never use waterproof make up. Great, now what to use to remove this stuff? Thinking back to the good old days, I remember my mother using Noxzema to remove make up. Well I don’t even know if they make that stuff anymore, and I didn’t have anything even close to that in my house. I started to panic. Will I have these ringed eyes forever? And it looked worse by this point. Little bits of it were flaking off into my eye. What was the harshest solvent I had in my house that I could use? Before reaching for the bleach I use to scrub my toilets, I fortunately thought of the organic tea tree oil I use when I break out. That stuff is strong enough to remove nail polish. Now you’re not supposed to use it around your eyes either, but I really didn’t have a choice any longer. The tea tree coated cotton swab was wiped gingerly along my lower lid, as my eyes watered and burned. It worked! I suffered, but it worked. I was happily raccoon ring free.

Until I put the liner on again ten minutes later. Hey, I never said I was bright. And I was DETERMINED to make this stuff work. Long story short, I tossed it into the garbage after the second equally-as-horrific attempt. I’m not looking forward to the tea tree treatment this evening…..